I Finally Gave In

So, I decided to start a blog.  For a long time, I've pushed this idea aside and there are some decent reasons for doing so. 

1. Who cares what I have to say?

2. What do I have to say that could possibly warrant being blasted on the internet for the masses to cherish?

3. Am I motivated enough to actually keep up with a blog?  (Note: I did not say, "Do I have enough time?"  Because time is one of those relative things.  I can certainly make excuses and say that I'm a busy, full-time working wife and mother of three who is deeply involved in her local roller derby league and in her local church.   And this will get me off the hook for things like regular blog updates.   But, the truth is, you make time for what you want to make time for...and there's always more time.)


As I said, all these were reasons I did NOT want to do a blog.  But, recently, I stumbled upon a little movie called "Eat, Pray, Love" starring Julia Roberts and (I forget his name) some hot Hispanic dude.  It was a very interesting movie.  I didn't really jive with it spiritually, but the deeper pursuit of self-realization really struck me.  Mainly because I am going through the same sort of battle within my own heart lately.  Let me explain.

I have a beautiful house.  I have a good job with health insurance that pays well.  I have a husband who is really a great guy and the BEST Dad.  My in-laws live in our basement.  Not only did they buy said beautiful home...they provide unlimited free babysitting so that my great husband can go to school and finish his degree and I can work full-time at my good job (with health insurance).  I have amazing friends.  Red Door Church is where we are at home, spiritually...and, although it is somewhat new, we feel loved there.  They are our spiritual family.  We are also deeply involved with the Bleeding Heartland Roller Girls.  And the people in that league, too, have become as close as family to us. I am a blessed girl.  I have what appears to be a perfect life.  And I am so thankful for it.

But, at the core, I don't know who I am.  And the realization of that has been breaking down some pretty big walls inside.  It is difficult and messy and terrible to realize that you don't even know yourself.  And, worse, that you don't fully love yourself.  Some people can live that way forever in their perfect little life with their perfect little house and family...never worrying about the fact that sometimes they feel empty inside.  But...I can't. So, I'm doing something about it.  Basically, that means...start over.  Re-do.  Re-learn.  Figure it out.

Obviously, this journey will include things that are personal to me, such as values, beliefs, religious opinions...you know, things that will probably offend people.  Frankly, I'm not interested in that.  Because if I can't be honest with myself, who can I be honest with?  So, if you do decide to spend time reading this...just expect to be offended at one point or another.  Then, move on.  OK?

I am writing a blog...for myself.  It pretty much makes all the items above obsolete.  I picked up the book, "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert at the library and I intend to blog my thoughts as I work through the book.  Coincidentally, I just noticed that each chapter is 2-3 pages long.  So...it lends itself very well to a blog.  I know this book choice might surprise some (and it even surprises me...as I've said, the spiritual side of this story is not my cup of tea) but it's a start.  And maybe I'll do a more Leah stereotypical book after I'm done with this one.  But let's not get ahead of ourselves.  We have to see if I even do a second post.